I wanna leave...

I scared..I worried..I messed.. I know there is nothing can cure me except time..
But time came late while I fall in the deepest trap that you made,and wrapped me..
and I thought whatever I done to you could barely lend me a place in your heart..
But not..and now you're gone and I dont know how to follow..

Now I decided to live alone for you..alone in darkness..alone in all the ways..
Maybe not,maybe only Im brave enough to face the rest of our promised by myself..
but hard to be sure,when the silent is illuminated,understand that only left lonely beside me..

I want to hide..I want to run..I want to fly..I want to leave..
as faster as I can..To another place..To escape from your vision..To a place that you never found me..
All across until there,I choose lonely together with me..only lonely understand me the well..only lonely knows how much I love you..and only lonely willing to love me forever..

Im still floating..floating in your world..
But now,可是我还爱你..I love You

Louder louder,we are running for our lives..Our own lives..
Recently,I feels alots of panic,upset..I am just surrouding by these suck ever feelings..

谁将是我的眼?

走在人海里,当我遇到盲人的时候我有着许多的感触..

上帝给了他们来到这个世界的机会,却跟他们开了看不见的玩笑..

感觉得到太阳的温度,却看不到阳光..

感觉得到寒冷的天气,却看不到雪花..

无论你怎么的清楚告诉他们,他永远不清楚周围的事物..

站在镜子面前他怎么摸,他永远不清楚自己看什么样子..

有目标,有希望...但是因为没方向所以才一直原地不动..

他们都要戴着黑色的眼镜,隔着一层像墨一样的视觉过着没有色彩的日子..

他们祈祷着祈祷着,只希望下一次从梦里醒来时..眼前的视觉是不一样的东西,哪怕只有几秒钟..

他们祈祷着祈祷着,希望当下一次走在马路上时..可以放开对所有人的依靠,哪怕只越过那条街..

但是他们却让我拥有无比的羡慕!为什么?

因为他们看不见这个世界坏的一面..

他们看不见丑陋,冷酷,无情,现实....甚至是爱情..

而我..虽然拥有一双看得见的眼睛..但是我仍然处于灰色地带..

如果真的有那么一天,我的双眼看不见了..我的爱,你会牵着我的手,陪我等天亮吗??

...

*2009.9.23 i lost my 4th uncle who had a very serious kidney disease..Among all my father's siblings,he is the one who really trust in Lord and he really love GOD..but he still cant fight the fate when the disease and death are go on him!Its really made me upset and till today I still cant really accept the fact why he will got such disease since he never touch on Cigarette and alcohol!!

Even my relationship with uncle was not that close,but once i flashed back of many things like my granny,she had lost a great son..my dad and other uncles and aunties,they lost their brother who live with them for almost half of the live..and his family members..A several complicated feels was fully inside my body..

On 24th,the funeral procession day..Once and once i told myself not to cry but its seem to be so hard when the music was played and the relative were pray..i noticed my cousins who stand beside me kept on wipe his tears and even my dad and other uncle who never watch them of this kind of upset squating on the stair..*

Times running really quick,feeling like this matter just two days ago..Many time,i often ask to GOD why I needs to face so much difficulties in my life why dont gave me a simple and peaceful life.. If I really do means likes this I such like a dastard who only know and choose the ways to escapes when the trouble is come..But i dont want to admit how suck and worse i am..But if theres not that much of obsession in life,maybe I wont be that mess and awful?who knows...